Song of Susan
by CheechHatesClowns
Summary: I sing of Susan, most beautiful and gentle of Queens. Chronicles Susan's life after Prince Caspian. Slight AU. One-Shot


A/N: Just so you readers know, this story is slight AU after Prince Caspian. Some of this may not be suitable for younger viewers. Implied non-consensual sexual content. Beware but enjoy.

Song of Susan

This is the story of why Susan Pevensie stopped believing. Now you may think you've heard this story a million and one times. But this is the true story. This is the story that lies solely on fact. The story that lay hidden in Susan's memory since that time when she left Narnia that second time never to return.

What happened to Susan Pevensie? She was left behind.

But for this reason, only she knows. Only her children know. Only her children's children know. And know it's time for you to know. I am Susan Pevensie's granddaughter and she asked me two nights ago to tell you her story.

This is the story of why Susan Pevensie stopped believing for the sake of her siblings.

777

Susan Pevensie. A young girl of thirteen. Gorgeous, stunning and attractive. Striking sapphire eyes. Elegant long, dark brown hair. Full lips that all the boys would stop and drool over.

She was beautiful, no doubt about it.

Many people were envious of Susan Pevensie. She seemed like she had it all. Good looks and intelligence. Extreme wit and cleverness.

Besides all this, young Susan found her beauty to be a curse. She didn't care for boys or social gatherings. She didn't care for the latest fashions or makeup. Of course, she cared a little bit of her appearance like any young lady does. The point of the matter was, her beauty was more of a bother than anything else.

People failed to see the person that Susan really was. She was kind and caring. Imaginative yet logical. She had dreams and she tried to follow them. But she knew what could and could not be. She was a realist. She saw everything clearly. But most of all she was gentle. She could tell what others were feeling and knew what their needs were. She was motherly and nurturing. All of this is why the people of Narnia loved Queen Susan the Gentle.

This is why I loved her and still do.

This is why all were shocked to learn that this dear Narnian Queen, who reigned for fifteen years, could stray so far from Aslan.

777

Susan and her siblings arrived at that London station, grieving over leaving Narnia once again. Susan and Peter knew they were never to return and this hurt them both more than they let on. Edmund and Lucy were sad-faced knowing that they would be retuning again to Narnia without their older siblings.

The four Kings and Queens grabbed their bags as they headed on the train, no one speaking.

The siblings lived quite nicely together after their return. They slowly began to speak of Narnia once again. They were all awaiting the day that Lucy and Edmund would be thrown into that magical world. Narnia. Their parents listened to their stories of fantasy and adventure with wonder. They didn't believe these to be true but none the less listened intently. It's been so long since all of their children got along nicely with one another.

They all changed in one way or another. But change wasn't always bad. Was it?

Three months after their return to their world, a tragic accident occurred. Stephen Pevensie, the children's father, my great grandfather, was killed. It was an accident, I know. Lucy, nine years old at the time, was crossing the street. Her father was right behind her. While the lot was crossing, the street was clear, but a speeding car quickly came into view. Stephen saw this and knew he only had time to save his little princess. He screamed and pushed little Lucy out of harm's way.

Lucy's siblings, who were already on the other side of the street, ran towards her and helped her up. Lucy began to cry and shriek, "Father!" Susan looked up while her brothers were dusting their little sister off. What Susan saw would haunt her for the rest of her life. The speeding car rammed right into her father without even a hint of slowing down. It sped further off never to be seen by any of the Pevensie children again.

Susan dropped to the ground, numb and frightened. Tears poured from her eyes from the tragedy that just befell her. Susan could hear Lucy crying as well. Susan turned her head to her siblings. Peter ran to his still father not knowing what else to do. Edmund let a lone tear streak down his face. He soon joined his brother, leaving Susan and Lucy alone. Susan wrapped her arms around her younger dear sister and they cried together, finding comfort in each other.

A year passed by and Narnia failed to reveal itself to Lucy or Edmund. All the children still gathered in one of their rooms to speak of the time of old and even of memories of their dear departed father. Their life changed quite drastically since that day. Their mother began to see a man with four children and soon was to be married. He had a good amount of money to help sustain them.

The Pevensie children did not like Gary, their soon to be step-father, or their soon to be step-brother and sisters at all. They were all snobby and spoiled. But Susan and the rest of her siblings agreed to treat them nice if only to keep their mother happy. She did love him just as much as her deceased husband. Their mother's happiness meant more to them than their own. And as Lucy said, "Aslan will work everything out."

Susan tried to believe this with all her heart. But it seemed that the Pevensie children were abandoned by the Great Lion. First the death of her father troubled Susan, then this new harsh man in their life brought her spirit down lower.

When their mother had married Gary, the family went to live in his home. It was a grand house if only the Pevensie children and their parents had lived in the house, but with the addition of four plus children, it was crowded. Gary's children each had their own room plus two game rooms. The two adults shared a room like married couples should. But the Pevensie children were forced to share one room among the four of them.

The beginning life in the Lowry household wasn't too bad besides the shared bedroom. There were minor arguments between the Lowry and Pevensie children. Each set of children grew to dislike the other more and more. Gary started to show his malicious side within weeks of the combining of households. He would occasionally give the Pevensie children spankings if they misbehaved. The ruler was not unfamiliar to the two eldest Pevensie children. Their mother did nothing to prevent these beatings and soon found herself angry at her own children just as often.

It was not long before Derek the eldest Lowry child of fifteen years and only boy began to look at Susan in much too inappropriate ways. Derek was tall, dark and handsome with chocolate brown eyes and dark hair. He soon tried pursuing his younger step-sister. Susan was about 14 years at the time. She always managed her way out of these awkward situations with the help of Peter.

The Pevensie children's mother grew further and further apart from her children and closer and closer to the Lowry children. She soon grew to detest her own children. Their mother and Gary put the children to doing chores that took up most of the day and sometimes long after the sun had set. Many of them were focused of the Lowry children's "well being." Folding and hanging their clothes, organizing their rooms, and even laying out the younger children's clothing.

Susan became more of a mother to the two younger girls, ages five and eight, than their own step-mother was. The two younger girls would never admit it because fear of their siblings and father, but they came to love Susan. Despite of this love, they continued to throw insults her way to fit in with their family. Whenever they did this, Susan just smiled and continued to do whatever it was she was doing. At night she would curl in the bed next to Lucy and cry. And Lucy would wrap her arms around the older girl and comfort her the best way she could. "Aslan will help in the end. I just know it. Don't lose faith."

Another year passed and they were more distant from their mother than they had ever been. Peter, now seventeen, packed his bags and left to a university to study. He figured his younger siblings could handle things just the way they were. He didn't realize that things were certain to change once he left. Either way, he was glad to leave the home even though it meant he would be leaving his dearest siblings.

With Peter's leave, Derek became bolder. Peter wasn't there to set him straight. Edmund was usually away doing work, not seeing how Derek looked at Susan. Lucy saw but was too little to defend Susan. And besides, she held her faith in Aslan. But Lucy always glared at Derek when she got the chance.

One night, Lucy and Edmund were done with all of their chores and went to catch up on some much needed sleep. Susan, however, was in Derek's room hanging up some of his clothes that she just finished washing.

How she wished she weren't there. How she wished Lucy and Edmund were in Narnia away from this nightmare. How she wish she had more faith in Aslan. Susan couldn't bring herself to look at Aslan in the same way as she once did. Aslan abandoned her and her siblings. Aslan exiled her from Narnia. What had she done wrong? But she learnt long ago to push this out of her head. Her time was up. She did nothing wrong she would assure herself. _Peter and I did nothing wrong. We learned all we could. _

From the moment Gary and his children stepped into her life, Susan vowed to protect her younger siblings from whatever turmoil would present it self. She knew she couldn't run away, with or without them. They wouldn't be able to survive out in the real world. And they were minors. If they got caught it would be straight to the orphanage or back home. And just think of how much trouble they would be in then.

As Susan was thinking, deep in her thoughts, she didn't even notice Derek standing right next to her. He surveyed her up and down and it wasn't until several moments later she jumped. Susan held her hands to her heart, "Oh. You scared me, Derek."

Derek stared at Susan without saying a word. A small smirk crossed his face and Susan began to get worried. "I'm almost done hanging your clothes, if you fancy that."

Derek moved closer to Susan and raised his hand to caress her face. "You're beautiful, Susan."

After feeling his touch she moved backwards, away from him, "What are you doing?"

"I just want to be with you, every night." Derek said stepping closer.

Susan's eyes grew wide, knowing that everyone was asleep. She then made a run for it and dashed over his bed to the door. But he beat her to it and locked it. A huge smile played upon his features.

"Derek. Open that door at once," Susan's queen like authority demonstrated in her tone and words.

"Who are you to speak to me that way Susan?" Derek asked mockingly.

"I'm your sister!" Susan shrieked, outraged.

"Step. May I remind you that we aren't related?" Derek was now so close to Susan that Susan could feel his breath upon her face as she looked up at him.

"That doesn't matter-" Susan started to say, worry in her now dull blue eyes. Derek firmly placed his lips upon Susan's backing her up against the locked door.

Susan started to pound at his chest but he quickly grabbed both of her arms and pinned them above her head. He continued to forcefully kiss the beauty.

Susan told herself not to cry. _Don't do it, Susan. Don't let him know he has won._ Despite this pep-talk Susan let the tears flow. Where was Aslan now? No where near.

The eldest Pevensie girl succumbed to Derek's kisses and in return he let go of her arms. She used this to her advantage and unlocked the door. Derek didn't notice this. Finally, Susan was able to pull apart successfully. She looked deep into his eyes and pushed him backwards roughly. With that, she turned and opened the door and ran into the hallway. Derek was fuming as he chased after her.

The young man caught up to her, grabbed her by the waist and threw her to the ground. He panted heavily. He swung his arm up and balled his hand to a fist. His fist came down furiosuly to smack the very expensive vase that stood next to them. It shattered as it fell to the floor next to Susan.

Susan's eyes grew wide for she never saw the aggressive side to this spoiled boy. As the two teenagers glared heavily at one another, heavy foot steps could be heard. Susan frantically got up and brushed the broken glass off of her dress. Derek took a couple steps back, away from Susan and away from the broken vase.

Around the corner came a livid looking Gary. "What's going on here?" His voice was forceful and booming.

Susan was about to speak but Derek beat her to it. And she wasn't one to interrupt someone so she let him speak. "Father. Susan was in my room finishing up her chores. And you wouldn't believe what she did! She threw my yet to be hung clothes at my feet and stormed out. So I followed her to demand why she would do such a thing. And in all her anger she punched Mom's favorite antique vase."

During this explanation, Susan was infuriated. How could he lie? And now she knew she was in deep trouble. There was no need to try to explain her self because Gary would never believe her. He would believe his first born and most loved son. And just as Susan predicted, Gary would relieve his anger on her. He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to his room. He bellowed to his son to follow. Fresh tears began to form in Susan's eyes but she would not let them fall.

As they neared the closest game room she looked in the hall to see if anyone was there. It was deserted.

Derek gazed longingly at Susan's figure. He wanted her badly. When the trio was in the game room, Gary threw Susan to the floor and stood over her maliciously. Derek smirked, knowing what was to come. "Now, Susan. You have been such a bother since you and you're brat siblings moved into this house. And I don't see you're behavior changing anytime soon. And I know my boy has sought you for quite some time…"

Susan stood up in front of the two guys. "I am not some product, sir," She sneered. She stood straight with perfect posture.

"Is that so? I don't think you'll be thinking the same way if Lucy was a part of this… deal? Shall we say?" Gary told Susan mightily.

"Lucy has no part of this," Susan said matter-of-factly. She was worried but none of that showed on her face. She was calm and reserved

"I don't think you are the one to say such a thing, dear Susan," Gary retorted, "Derek wants you but I won't hesitate to let him have Lucy as well. It's your choice."

"What's my choice?" Susan asked starting to catch the drift of this conversation. She would do anything to protect Lucy. Anything.

"Well, give your self willingly to my son and me if I so choose and Lucy will be left alone from it all," Gary snickered knowing that he had won, "If not, Derek will have you and Lucy whenever he wants."

"You'll leave her alone? So either way you win…" Susan looked down defeated. Once Lucy was entered into the conversation, she knew what her answer would be. Lucy still had so much life ahead of her and future visits to Narnia to make. Lucy would be no good to Aslan, if he was still with them, troubled and broken. Lucy just couldn't be how Susan would become once this horrible nightmare was thrown in another horrible direction. She would protect Lucy even if that meant her life being destroyed. "I will."

Two years passed by and Lucy and Edmund had no idea of the exchange. Susan began to hate herself. She constantly felt dirty and would take baths whenever she got the chance. When Lucy and Edmund would gather in their room to speak of Narnia, she would just laugh and say, "What wonderful memories you have! Fancy you still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children."

But it wasn't true that Susan thought it was all just a game. It was easier for her to pretend that it was a game than come to realize that Aslan had indeed abandoned them. Lucy would look at Susan with pity in her eyes and Edmund would glare at her and become quite angry. One day Lucy was helping one of the younger girls with their homework. This one mathematics problem was really picking at her brain so she went to seek out Susan. She was, after all, quite the intellect. She came across Susan in one of the rooms huddled in the corner, sobbing. "Susan…"

Susan looked up at her thirteen year old sister with a puffy face and hid it once again in her arms. Lucy walked closer to her older sister who was now seventeen and wrapped her arms around her thin figure. "It's alright, Susan. Shh, it's okay."

"No it's not. It will never be okay." Susan whispered but turned her head to lay upon Lucy's shoulder.

"What's the matter, Susan? It can't be that bad?" Lucy tried to cheer her sister up.

"Lucy," Susan looked up at her, "I've done bad things."

"You could never do anything bad, Queen Susan."

Susan recoiled at this name, "Don't call me that."

"You are a Queen. I don't know why you have rejected Aslan but you will always be a Queen." Lucy told Susan firmly.

"He rejected me, Lucy," Susan cried and hid her face once again.

Susan then began to confess everything to her younger sister and begged her not to tell anyone for as long as she lived.

"I do believe in Narnia and I do believe in Aslan. But I can't believe what he's doing."

"Edmund and I went to Narnia again. I think Aslan knows what has been going on. He has sadness in his eyes. But I am relieved to know that you don't think it all a game. You know, we aren't going to Narnia again either. Oh and Eustace was there. He has become rather brave."

Lucy told Susan of all their adventures on the Dawn Treader and seeing Caspian and Reepiecheep. It was a marvelous story. Susan's heart became a load lighter than it was before. She was overjoyed that she made amends with her sister. She was sad that Edmund had been left out, but she couldn't bear what would happen if he were to find out.

Now that Lucy knew of all that happened and would still happen to Susan (she did try to come with a solution but Susan was too stubborn and over protective), she would rub solutions on Susan's back to soothe the pain when she was beat and would take over some of her late night chores when Susan was too weak to complete them herself.

Edmund noticed this closeness of his sisters and he also became more sympathetic and polite towards Susan now that she wasn't looking down on their "games." He would never know this change in his sister but he was glad to have her back, even if she didn't speak of Narnia to him.

Three more years passed and Susan couldn't part ways from her siblings. Edmund left to study at a university with Peter doing his own thing. But Lucy has yet to grow of age yet. Because Lucy was still in the house, Susan was still in the house. And this made her brothers curious but they didn't pry.

Because Susan was of age, she would leave the house at night to parties wearing fashionable clothing and a lot of make up. Lucy saw this but never said anything. This was how Susan would get through all her troubles. Aslan was helping her even if that didn't show on the front. Susan's façade was working and her brothers still resented her.

But Lucy knew what was going on in her sister and it hurt her to witness her brothers saying such mean things when she went to visit them. She would not say anything because it was gentle Susan's wish. And she would grant that one wish to her sister, her heroine of a sister who protected her and saved her life. She owed her that much.

Another year passed and Susan's family, real family, was on a train and they got in a horrible train accident. Susan's family was pulled away from her so fast she didn't even have time to process it. All of them, dead. Poor Lucy, only seventeen, gone. Aslan took all of them away and left her there all by herself. How could someone who was so great be so cruel? What had she done wrong? Absoluetly nothing.

You all know that the Kings and Queen of old went to the New Narnia, Aslan's country along with other friends. Everyone was there except Queen Susan the Gentle. This brought everyone to believe she was exiled from the New Narnia. She is no longer a friend of Narnia, they said. She's turned her back from us, they said. It is true that she held no faith in Aslan anymore since that fateful night when she learned of their deaths. But she did not turn her back on that wonderful world.

She was left to live with the Lowrys, that awful family. Derek being the worst of them, he only gleamed at her when he learned the news. The two youngest girls' faces grew pale for they felt bad how they treated the older girl, the girl that was known to them as their mother. In their hearts, they loved Susan as much as Lucy loved Aslan. Jaclyn and Kathryn hugged Susan showing their love for her for the first time. Laura, the eldest daughter, almost as bad as her brother, had a small smile and went to her room not caring the slightest.

Susan hugged the younger girls and gave them each a small kiss on each of their cheeks. She bid them farewell which made them sob harder. Susan went to the room she shared with her siblings for eight years and packed all of her stuff in a small bag. She made sure to take Edmund's picture of their father, Peter's pocket watch that he left in the top drawer and Lucy's old handkerchief she had the first time she went to Narnia. Streaks of tears stained her face as she remembered all the good times they had. She remembered her mother before the marriage and her father in all his glory.

Susan folded the blankets that lay scattered over the room and organized it so it looked almost as it did the first time she entered the room.

"Good bye, King Peter. Good bye, King Edmund. Fare well, sweet Queen Lucy." Susan let a lone tear descend her pale face and closed the door shut forever.

After that day, Susan spent a lot of her time in the Library of London. She read books of far away places, daring sword fights, and princesses. Each one of them reminded her of her siblings in one way or another. She had no where else to be so that is where she spent her days, or in the park gazing at all the children playing happily. Old school friends would notice her occasionally but none ever stopped to say, "Hello." They all heard of the heartrending train crash, so none ever dared to approach her. "That poor girl," is all that they would mutter. They didn't think she could hear her, but Susan Pevensie heard every word.

While going for one of her little walks around the park, she came across a flier calling for a Housekeeper. Must know how to clean, cook, and be good with children. Good pay. Quarters provided upon approval. This peaked Susan's interest. She has been looking for work for a couple weeks now but no one would hire her. This was something she knew she could do and do well. She did, after all, have two younger siblings and an older brother who was just as bad. Plus her step-siblings that she took care of. This would be a piece of cake.

The Winchester Family hired Susan right after meeting her. The children liked her enough, and she knew how to do everything else. It was simple enough. She moved in at that moment considering everything she owned was with her.

One night, a year later, the Winchesters were throwing a party inviting only the most renowned people over. Susan was to get the younger children in to bed, prepare the food, and serve it to the guests. And that she did with ease and grace. The party-goers loved her and wondered where their hosts got such a wonderful being. She was beautiful and polite.

One man in particular caught her interest and he with her. He was quite simple. He had dark hair and striking green eyes. Not to tall but not too short. Susan fancied him and she thought that he fancied her too. It was just the way he looked at her when she served him a dish and the way he would thank her. It would melt her heart to hear him speak those words.

That was when Susan knew that Aslan did not abandon her.

Susan and Alex, that was the man's name, began to see each other. He would come over for late night visits just to see Susan. He wrote poetry and read them to her even when he thought them not good at all. He was fond of her. She was so kind to him and anyone that was in her presence. She treated everyone as an equal. He loved how the children she cared for loved her just as much as she loved them.

Years passed by, two to be exact, and their liking for one another never faltered. There were times when he saw the sadness in her eyes and the turmoil in her heart. But Susan never let that get the best of her.

There were times that he wanted to comfort her but didn't know how. She never talked of her family much besides words here and there. Susan tried to let him in her heart but she couldn't bring herself, not just yet.

But Alex loved everything about her, even her faults. Even then he didn't see her faults as faults. They were great and that's what made Susan: Susan.

The day he knew he loved her was a shock even to him.

The duo was sitting on a park bench gazing up at the dazzling stars. His hands linked in hers. "There," she said pointing at the night sky, "There's a lion. Don't you see him?"

The hope and wonder in her voice just by looking up in the stars to see nothing but a lion amazed him. A lone tear fell from her left eye and a small smile played on her face. That's when he knew that he loved her. He loved Susan Pevensie with all his heart. She could see wonderful things in the simplest of things. And now he knew why she even bothered with a man like him, a man with nothing special about him.

"I love you, Susan Pevensie," Alex whispered in her ear.

Susan longed to hear those words. And when she did, she knew that everything would be okay. The scars will never leave but they can be soothed.

777

That night Susan Pevensie and Alexander Scott decided they would get married and start a life together. They had four children over the span of their years: three boys and one girl. Steven, Edmund, Peter and Lucy. Not original names, but special. For she saw each of her siblings in her children and even her father in some small way. They were beautiful and full of love. She longed to have a family of her own and when she did she knew Aslan will always be watching. Keep faith and wondrous things could happen. Especially when you aren't looking.

Two nights ago, I told you Susan Pevensie asked me to tell you her story. And that I did. I hope it was all that you were expecting and none that you were expecting.

777

Susan Pevensie. A gorgeous woman of eighty-two. Gorgeous, stunning and attractive. Striking sapphire eyes. Elegant long, gray hair. Full lips that Alexander would dream of every night even as he awaits her in Aslan's Country.

She _is_ beautiful, no doubt about it.

I sing of Susan, most beautiful and gentle of Queens.

Fin

A/n: I really do hope you enjoyed this take on Susan. It is a little different yet the same as other stories. But I felt I had to write this down. It's not up to caliber with other stories in this fan-dome (I wrote it in less than two days), but I had a severe writer's block with my other stories and was hoping this would push it out of the way. I don't think it has but it's all well and dandy.

This story hasn't panned out as I expected but it'll do. I had a different ending in mind but you can't help where the muse takes you.

I would love it if you reviewed. Good or otherwise.

Long days and pleasant nights, my friends.

~Sai Cheech


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